The truth within self-image dislike

“God doesn’t portion you into pieces and loves some and not others. That’s what people do. That’s what you do. God, who created you, accepts and loves every little part of you, even those you deny and hate in yourself. So next time you try to dislike a part of you, just pause, look and remember that God loves it.”

I remember this day so vividly 5 years ago. I was 17 years old a Senior in High School and I had big dreams for my life but every time I looked in the mirror I saw something I did not like. I always said the verse in Psalms 139:14 “You a fearfully and wonderfully made” but that couldn’t be true for me. I always believed God sneezed when he was knitting me together and that’s why I was not wonderfully made and had these features and characteristics that no one liked. While I was getting ready for school that day, I looked in the mirror; I saw this divid in my chin, my short stature, my brown eyes I always wanted to be blue, the way I laughed, all these things rushed into my mind but between all those lies God spoke something to me. God said, “You are not portioned”. At the time I stuck on the You are not and went straight to the Psalms 139:14 and was thinking I knew it! I am not fearfully and wonderfully made. I knew everything in the bible is true but the devil had such a hold on my appearance and self-image that he was not going to stop for anything and let God have that part of my life.

Throughout the day the portioned part came to me and I realized what those 4 words meant for my life. When I got home from school I went straight to my mirror and repeatedly said “You are not portioned” with tears rolling down my face I thanked God for this truth and asked him forgiveness for how I treated my body, for letting the enemy take over my own self-image and that I wanted God to have and take that part of my life back. I went from the head to my toes and spoke truth to every part of me I disliked. “God loves your divid in your chin, God made you short and he loves that, he absolutely loves your brown eyes, he loves your unique laugh” Writing this just makes my heart gleam and realize how many other girls and boys are going through this same struggle I did with my own self-image because I had believed the lies of the enemy for so long. If you are struggling with dislike in your own self-image ask God for truth and speak that truth to yourself. There is no reason why you should not like something in your own body because God DID create you in his perfect way (Deuteronomy 32:4 He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.). God loves you just the way you are and wants you to be the person he created you to be and that starts with loving yourself like God loves you. I pray that this gives you joy and hope like God did to me 5 years ago. Remeber the devil will continue to try and feed you lies but hold onto God’s truth and you will win the battle!


“God doesn’t portion you into pieces and loves some and not others. That’s what people do. That’s what you do. God, who created you, accepts and loves every little part of you, even those you deny and hate in yourself. So next time you try to dislike a part of you, just pause, look and remember that God loves it.”


Walt Disney World Cru Summer Mission 2018 ~Overall Summary~

The highlights of my summer were evangelism times, trusting God to grow me in the confidence and talking to strangers about him. I learned a lot about God during e times like how much he cares for all his children, the lost and the found. They are all equal in Gods eyes. I saw how much God can speak for you when you have no more words left. I saw the hand of God on my shoulder, in my feet, in my voice all the time, when I prayed for the Holy Spirit to guide me only great things happened for the kingdom of God.

Some of the parts that were challenging were quiet times, being consistent and growing or learning something. I struggle with finishing things or sticking to things (that’s a lie) I have finished so many things. God has put a pull, a longing for him and it’s hard to say no, it’s hard to do something else when a part of my heart is searching for God.

God revealed himself in so many ways this summer, he showed me a lot of my own story and has begun healing parts of that in my life like my emotions, my feelings. I am rediscovering how to handle and express my emotions. I have always been playing situation in my head about what I wish I could be doing and I just need to do them. I just need to express them.

God used many people this summer to help me grow. My discipler challenged me and pushed me in telling my story, being authentic and believing my voice matters. My new friends have helped me grow in loving people and my emotions.

I saw God work through me in the lives of people around me by being intentional with them. Helping them and not expecting anything in return. I confess I did not pour into a lot of coworkers or focus on a few, I had a bad attitude towards Pecos from the beginning and did not change my mindset until close to the end and that’s when I could really see Gods love and compassion work thru me to share those characteristics of God to my coworkers.

God challenged me to take steps of faith this summer by relying on the holy spirit, knowing who he is inside of me and obeying his pushes. Taking steps of faith in praying aloud to groups, praying in general.

The scriptures God used to speak to me: Gossip and lifting others up, saying kind words about each other.

God changed the way I live from this summer by digging into his word daily, praying daily and being intentional with everyone around me. I need to remember and have the desire to read the bible, pray and love people.

Stats- over 700 spiritual conversations, 64 people gave their lives to Christ.

My overall summary: Trusting God with my summer wasn’t enough, he showed me parts of my life that I had not surrendered to him ever before. When I finally gave everything to God that’s when the miracles started happening in those people around me. God worked thru me and everyone else on the summer mission to bring so much glory to his kingdom. There are too many stories to tell but the summary of them all is God has the most magical story for you, the pages are all written out by God but it’s your choices, it’s your attitude, your actions, your feelings and emotions that will determine what pages will be rewritten. Let God be your everything, give God your everything and do everything as you would with God standing right there in front of you, he deserves it all.

“See you all real soon”


Walt Disney World Cru Summer Mission 2018 ~My Short Testimony~

Here is my personal short testimony of finding Christ even after being in the church my entire life.

I had my life planned out to every minute of every day, I had my wedding planned out when I was 8 years old, I knew exactly what college I was going to go to and what major I was going to pursue in 9th grade. If things did not go the way I had planned I would be so angry at everyone else including God. Before I knew God personally I did everything my own way, never asking God or trusting him in any area of my life. My mom took my brother and me to church every Sunday and I participated in children’s church and youth group and accepted Christ into my life early in my life. I knew Jesus died on the cross for my sins and only through him could I pray and have a personal relationship with God through Jesus’s death. Although when I was younger I only prayed for things I needed or wanted. I never grasped the idea of trusting God and allowing him to work through me until high school and then I got baptized after graduation. I started slowly giving areas of my life to God but I still had some plans for my life that I was not going to let God into like college and my career. After the hardest and most beautiful semester of my life where God continually showed me past sin, I had not confessed and understood the free gift he has given me according to Romans 6:23 is eternal life. I transferred to my state college back home and gave complete control of my life to God. I am not capable nor strong enough to make my own decisions and I know Gods plan is far better than the plans I have for my life. Since giving my entire life to Christ he has given me the heart to be a mentor to teenage girls, to live every day on a mission and to never worry about tomorrow.

“See you all real soon”


Walt Disney World Cru Summer Mission 2018 ~Personal Growth~

The first 5 weeks with the staff we had discipleship groups where I had one of the staff ladies and 3 other mission girls in our group. We met weekly and talked and poured into each other and also did some evangelism. During the first week, we took an entire afternoon and did what Cru calls soul to soul, each of got time to share our life story, our struggles, our highs and lows and what we are expecting God to do through us and in our lives. I hadn’t really looked at my entire life story in depth before like we had to do, they expected us to be honest and real with each other and share things no one else knew. That’s when God started showing me a lot of past hurt and pain that I had never processed.

I had brought a book called First Love by Bill Bright a staff member of cru and I started reading that. I knew my walk with God was not as strong as I wanted and had fallen far from my first love. Some things God taught me is that no matter how far I fall from my first love, I can return to him. God always has wide open arms for us to run into during the hard times.  It was overwhelming and I started back down that road if I don’t have time, it is too much, I am too far gone from God no way would he want to fix all this brokenness. It was hard to sit and listen to God show me things I needed to surrender to him like fear, anxiety, hurt, sorrow, relationships, gossip, lies I have been believing to name a few and have him show me all these things I needed to surrender to him because he is the only one that can fix the broken pieces and make them into a masterpiece, we are his creation.

God speaks to me mostly through visions and pictures and during one of my extended times with God he showed me this picture:

  1. When your watch breaks or jewelry sometimes we try and fix it by ourselves and usually it makes it worse or it’s a temporary fix. Only when we take it back to the creator, the artist is when it becomes new again. When we are broken we have to go back to our creator to be put back together again.
  2. . In the first love book, one of the first chapters was removing boulders from my life and I knew why I was having a hard time connecting to God and having his word take root is because these boulders in my life were taking up so much room that Gods great word had no room to take root. I had felt stuck in my walk with God even though I was not putting much effort into it, I was not growing or producing much fruit.
  3. That’s when I remembered the parable about the sower and the seeds how some seeds fell among the road and the birds ate them, some fell in rocks and sprouted and withered away because there was no soil, some seeds fell among thorns and were choked out while others fell in good soil and produced a crop 100 times as great (Luke 8:4-15). I wanted and prayed to have fruit that people could see and know that it had strong roots that nothing could pull those roots out because they would be intertwined and wrapped around the word of God.
  4. I knew I had to go back to my first love, go back to the time when I was so excited to go to kids church, when I was so willing to do random chores or help people without thinking I have this to do and that needs to be done, I had to go back to the time when I was 7 years old jumping up and down praising God for giving me mac and cheese and ice cream for dinner and reading my bible and praying every day.

God has removed many of these boulders from my life, I have never felt so much peace and comfort knowing God has control of my life and as I keep surrendering to him every day, giving him all that I have and bringing my focus back on him the glory will always be his. It’s a process and it takes time, boulders are not easy lifting but know that God has so much strength to throw those things out of your life only if you allow him to. He is able and willing, you have to ask yourself if you are able and willing to let God.

“See you all real soon”



Walt Disney World Cru Summer Mission 2018 ~What I would tell people going on this mission trip~

I had to idea what to expect, I had no idea the experiences and life-changing events that would happen in 10 weeks, I was going into the last summer of “freedom” before going into the real world and working and I honestly wanted to know more about God and meet new people. Those were my only goals for the summer.

Like I said going into the summer was a whirlwind, a lot happened during those last months leading up to leaving to Orlando and I had to trust God more than ever.

Here is a little snid bit into my journal during that time:

The past 1 ½ has been difficult for me to balance everything with school, studying, clinical and my relationship with God. With that, it was easy for me to make excuses to not dig into my bible every day and my walk with God was almost nonexistent. But somehow I still heard Gods voice in all the studying and working long hours to go on one last mission trip with Cru. Cru has over 50 summer mission trips all over the world. I was drawn to the 3 week Germany trip and applied to that. I was accepted and one of the leaders called me to tell me the dates which were different from the website and I was going to have to miss my college graduation and I did not want to do that. So my next option was the Disney World summer mission. When I looked at it 10 weeks was way too long, I had never been away from home more than 2 weeks by myself and it was all the way across the states, no way! I told myself even though it was Disney, Nope! I pushed the whole mission trip aside and started looking for jobs after I graduated and focused a lot on studying and school. The enemy crept into my mind and started telling me how could I serve God when I haven’t even spent time with him this past year, I am not equipped to go on a mission trip. I need to get back with God before I can go do anything. When I started believing those lies God showed me that this is not my life, this is not my body, my time, my energy. Everything that is within me is his; he bought me with a price and what I’m I giving him back in return. There were no job openings around here and I kept finding myself back on the CRU WDW mission page, I trusted God that this was where I was supposed to be for the summer and applied. I got accepted to the mission trip and kept praying that a job would open around the valley so I could 100% focus on the mission trip and be present there. I passed my registry and was almost fully funded for my mission trip. Shortly after that, I applied for an x-ray position in a nearby town, and the day after graduation I had a job interview with that town hospital and accepted the position to start as soon as I got back from Florida PRAISE GOD!! While all the behind the scenes stuff was happening God was orchestrating my summer and I had no idea how amazing, powerful and fulfilling the summer was going to be.”

Ok so now that you have a little history of my life before the mission trip here is what I would tell the people looking into the 10-week Walt Disney world mission trip, who have applied and who have been accepted:

Rely on the Holy Spirit to guide you, wake up every morning and ask the Holy Spirit to fill you up and know how to listen to him. Pray and never stop praying! Get to know your roommates, get to know other mission trip people. You will know your carpool group pretty fast by going to work every day with them but still pour into each other. For me, I wanted to know everyone and I knew everyone for sure when I left but I being an introvert got to know just a few people at a personal and deeper relationship and I am glad that I found my people. So in that find your people in the mission trip group, they are your family and friends for the entire summer! Find the nurse, find the problem solver, find the listener, find your go-to person, find your people 🙂 On the first day of training pray to have God show you the people he wants you to pour into a little more and obey. Disney is a dark place, a lot of hurt and pain surround the walls and backstage. Be the light and don’t forget to build each other up on the mission trip.

“See you all real soon”


Walt Disney World Cru Summer Mission 2018 ~Story Time: Work~

Here are a few stories I wrote down from my 10-week summer mission trip to Orlando Florida with Cru.

Ever since I got here people have been talking about Waffle House and I got the opportunity to go after work one night with my carpool group and some other Pecos Bill crew and I believe that will be my first and last time at that Waffle House. It was an experience when you get 10 college-aged, sleep deprived hungry people in one place. It is time I won’t forget! (I still like Waffle House even though there were knives and food on the floor at the first waffle house I went to)

Training has been hard at Pecos Bill Tall Tale Inn and Cafe. My group started the first day on the 3rd day of training so we started at the counter. Pecos Bill is the 3rd busiest quick service restaurant in the world and I felt it as soon as I stepped behind the counter! I have never worked in food service before and it was an eye-opening experience. Our trainer was super helpful and gave us a lot of tips and tricks. The second day of training was the dinning room and our trainer was amazing! We watched the 3 o clock parade and the fireworks we also went backstage and toured around Frontierland.

The best memory I have at work is taking the lost and found to main street while it was pouring rain and coming back thru jungle cruise backstage and being scared by the lion roar with one of my friends. I don’t know why we thought a real lion was back there but we were both scared for our lives and started running!

“See you all real soon”


Walt Disney World Cru Summer Mission 2018 ~Story Time: Magic Kingdom~

Here are a few stories I wrote down from my 10-week summer mission trip to Orlando Florida with Cru!

I worked at the Magic Kingdom in quick service so I was there almost every day and somehow when I had my off days I was back in the Magic Kingdom 🙂

My favorite memory at magic kingdom was getting no strings attached fast passes from cosmic rays and meeting up with mission trip people after they got off work to watch the fireworks and then steaking them onto the 7 dwarfs mine train :0

Haunted mansion with one of my friends and being scared the entire time, because we got the coffin that hits every scare time precisely!

Going on splash mountain after work in our costumes because we closed fast and it was some of the cast members last day.

Space mountain is the indoor dark rollercoaster and I took my friend on it for the first time and she screamed the entire time, like terrified scream and I was laughing the entire time barely getting enough oxygen but I will never forget that!

Just the other day we went to Magic Kingdom to see our friends working and we played sorceress which is pretty fun and exciting! I am looking forward to playing that on my days off. I also made reservations at the Plaza to watch the fireworks and have bottomless milkshakes but we did not get a table until after fireworks. But 5 of us girls downed 14 milkshakes and we had the best experience at the Plaza with our waiter John.

“See you all real soon”


Walt Disney World Cru Summer Mission 2018 ~Story Time: Epcot~

Here are a few stories from my 10-week summer mission trip to Orlando Florida with Cru.

Epcot was the park I went to the most outside of work because we did a lot of activities there because of the world showcase. Some of those activities I can’t write about because that would ruin the moving concepts behind them but let me tell you just trust the leadership and go in with an open mind!

My favorite memories at Epcot was a random act of kindness day we did on our Wednesday outreach day. We wrote cards and letters and then split up into each park to hand out these cards to fellow cast members. The smiles and expression of pure joy was the best feeling ever to make someone’s day. After we handed out cards, one of my friends from the mission trip and I stayed back and rode some rides.

My other favorite memory and I think this is a top highlight of the summer was 4th of July, we had a mid-summer banquet and said goodbye to staff as they went back to their homes and campuses and put student leadership in charge. My roommates and I headed to Epcot after the banquet to watch the fireworks at Epcot! It was such a fun time being with my sisters of Christ and celebrating America!

“See you all real soon”


Walt Disney World Cru Summer Mission 2018 ~Story Time: Hollywood Studios~

Here are a few stories I wrote down during my 10-week summer mission trip to Orlando Florida with Cru.

My favorite Memory at Hollywood Studios was ridding rock n roller coaster with my roommate for the first time and some mission trip girls and coworkers that we had been hanging out with all day. We went again and then watched Fantasmic. It was such a great day again just meeting new people and hearing their stories. These park days were also great times to learn more about the other mission trip students which were always awesome times.

The first time I rode Tower of Terrible AKA Tower of Terror, I did not like that ride one bit I was with other mission trip people and I was honestly scared out of my mind! I don’t like heights, I don’t like dropping/falling but I knew I had to do it once. I would probably go on it again with new people just to experience it with them but going on it will never be my idea. After spending some time at Hollywood I got a Mickey pretzel and churro and watched Fantasmic!

“See you all real soon”


Walt Disney World Cru Summer Mission 2018 ~Story Time: Animal Kingdom~

Just a few stories I wrote down about Animal Kingdom during my 10-week mission trip to Orlando Florida with Cru.

As a cast member, you do get free entry into the parks and we used that opportunity to explore Disney World as well as take co-workers to the parks on their off days or meet up with them to learn more about them. It’s really the easiest way to have fun and invite coworkers.

I went to Animal Kingdom and rode Pandora- Flight of Passage and let me tell you…WOW! What an amazing ride, I have never seen Avatar but it was such a beautiful and unique ride. We also rode Mt Everest a few times and the Dinosaur ride. I remember the Dino rode when we went in 2003 and I was trying to recreate the image from that time but failed.

One day we met up with some coworkers and had some fun with them, we rode almost all the rides and went to the Finding Nemo production and It’s tough to be a bug. For me, these park days with coworkers deepened our relationship with each other and allowed us to work better and eventually started spiritual conversations. These days I had the mindset of serving others which we should have that mindset every day but being more intentional and asking questions to learn more about them.

“See you all real soon”



Walt Disney World Cru Summer Mission 2018 ~Story Time: Evangelism~

On the mission trip, we have different teams we are part of; I am part of my discipleship group which has 4 of us girls and a leader in that group I have my prayer and share partner. Another team is our bible study that is about 10ish people that includes my discipleship group and two other discipleship groups. This summer we are going through the book of James and learning how to be intentional with people, loving them well and trusting God for his plans on our life. The other team is our ministry teams which are broken down into 5 groups; CO-OP, Community, Prayer, Evangelism and World Vision Team. I am part of the evangelism team where we plan events of evangelism for the group each week to participate in. I am super excited to be a part of the evangelism team because I love listening to peoples stories and getting to know new people.

(Names have been changed or shortened for confidential purposes)

H- We went to Lake Eola to evangelism one Saturday. Lake Eola is in downtown Orlando and is just a couple blocks away from the gay night club shooting that happened here in Orlando recently. Lake Eola is also one of the spots that have a large number of homeless people. I was excited to go and spread love to those that needed Jesus in their lives. I went with a group of 3 all of us girls. We got rejected a lot and then when we were heading back to our car a gentleman sitting on the side of the lake stood out to me. We walked past him and then I told the girls we should go and talk to him. I started the conversation, Holy spirit leading and after we introduced ourselves he just started talking about his life, his struggles, and his spiritual background. We barely asked any questions. I have seen God work in mighty ways when I have had my mind set on God going into these evangelism outings. H had some sores all over his body and he was on the list to get some papers so he could go see a dermatologist. He is homeless and sleeps around downtown Orlando, he works 3 days a week as a custodian for a college. H is a Christian and walks with the Lord which was encouraging because he was still joyful even though he was frustrated and worried about his sores. We all laid hands on H and prayed for healing, comfort, and wisdom for the doctors. I went back and gave him my number and a knowing God personally booklet. A couple weeks passed, and Harold texted me great news, some of his spots had gone away and he had an appointment in the next week to see a dermatologist for the remaining sores. Praise God!!

O- Just this past weekend for evangelism time we went to a local outlet mall and talked with a vendor from Venuswala. She talked about how just her mom and her are here in Orlando and the rest of her family are stuck back in Venswula because one of her brothers are in the process of getting a VISA. She told us about the conditions of starvation because the government is storing away food and not giving it out and how there is no freedom, they live in fear every day. She spoke about how she was involved in the Church in Miami but could not find a close enough church where she lives now. I asked her who Jesus is to her and she explained that she believed in God and herself she did not know of the Trinity or the gospel even from going to a church just a few miles away. I have reached out to her but no response. I will continue to pray that God works in her heart and someone will come into her life to share the truth of the gospel with her.

Nut lady- My discipleship group went to a small amusement park to share the gospel and I went with two other girls. We got rejected many times before we went up to a vendor selling candied nuts and asked her some questions about her life. She spoke about Christ and her family. She is a believer and we prayed for her family, the salvation of her son and the health of her family. After we prayed for her she gave us some candied nuts.

G- We went to the outlet malls and met with an Italian woman who works at Epcot in the wine stand at the Italy pavilion. The other mission girl I was with initiated the conversation and went through the quest survey and our Knowing God personally booklet with her. G wanted to know God or had a hope she could have the life we were telling her about. We prayed the salvation prayer with her and she said she would like that prayer to be her life but was still not sure and had a lot of questions. The main question she had was how we could serve a God that is supposed to be loving and good but there are so much hate and evil in the world. I explained to her that God loves his children, he loves every person on this world because they are all created in his image, but the enemy entered their life, they believed the lies of the devil and went on the path of destruction, hate and evil. God is waiting for those people to turn back to him but the enemy rules the world.

Lake Eola- One of the guys from the mission trip and I talked to stop with a gentleman sitting on a bench. We asked him how he was and if we could go over the quest questions with him, he agreed. The first question was to describe your life currently and he said bad, very bad. I asked why, and he explained that he had broken some ribs a few weeks ago. There was a language barrier as he was from Puerto Rico. I asked him about his family and he said they were still all over in Puerto Rico and he has been in Orlando for 15 years he was coming to the states to work construction and a better life. He was still smiling despite the fact his life was not going in the path he would want it to. I asked if he had a spiritual background or attended church and he said yes, he goes to church. I then asked him about what he believed in and what he thought happened after death and he did not know. At that point, I pulled out the KGP and went through that cru tool with him. He asked how we can believe in God when he is not here, and we explained about faith and what the bible says about God. At one point the gentleman told us about a dream he had a while ago; he said he was drowning in sink sand, just his head was barely above, and he was sinking fast. He called out and said, “Save me Jesus” and he remembered a man in bright white robe pulling him out of the sinking sand. He asked us if that was real, can God talk to him like that without ever seeing him in real life. I explained that it was, in fact, real and God is always there to pull us out of the situations we put ourselves into because we stray off the path God had intended for us. It was such a great conversation and he thanked us and told us he will never forget the words we told him that day.

N-  One night after work we took home one of our coworkers to Disney housing. N is from Thailand and we had a great conversation about her family, her home and her future. One question I asked her was how she was doing, and she stopped for a second and said that was the first time someone has asked me since I have been here. God works in such mysterious ways, a little/simple question can change someone’s perspective of you and your culture. I also asked her about her family and she also said that was the first time someone has asked her that. Caring for each other, asking them how they are and being involved in each other lives. Too many people pass your path and you don’t talk to them, maybe you smile and that’s great but complementing them, encouraging them and lifting each other up is what the bible tells us to do.

“See you all real soon”